Escaping the New York hustle
A return to a simpler life
Words by Tiara Swain
In New York City, resilience and tenacity are the keys to becoming a certified New Yorker. You must triumph over the city's formidable challenges to earn your stripes. Navigating swiftly through crowds of tourists, expertly squeezing through closing subway doors, and harbouring disdain for Times Square were some of my newfound skills that filled me with immense pride. How could I ever leave this place, having invested so much to earn my New Yorker status?
However, concealed beneath these accomplishments lay a significant undercurrent of anxiety. During my time in the city, I had completely overlooked the toll it was taking on my nervous system and the perpetual fight-or-flight state required for survival. I found myself overworking, barely getting by and trapped in a relentless cycle from which escaping meant saying farewell to my New York dreams. There was no margin for error, and dropping the ball was not an option.
“However, with no job and more free time than I'd ever experienced, my life had come to an abrupt standstill.”
Recently, I went to the cinema to see the movie "Past Lives," set in the backdrop of New York City. As the camera panned over the iconic cityscape, tears welled up in my eyes. For six years, this place had been my home. At age twenty, I arrived in this enchanting city with dreams of escaping my small life back in Australia. As the years went by, I couldn't imagine ever leaving, and my infatuation only grew stronger. That is until my support system was unexpectedly yanked out from under me following a breakup.
A setback in such an unforgiving place can be enough to derail even the most determined. This period of upheaval happened to coincide with the onset of the pandemic, prompting my decision to leave New York City and return to Australia. It felt as though the universe had forced me to pause and recuperate, with no other option.
Finding work upon my return became unattainable due to the uncertainty many businesses faced, leaving me back at my mother's house, a temporary refuge while I re-established my footing. Only a few weeks prior, I had been riding the J train to Canal Street and sipping Negronis with my friends in Chinatown, Manhattan. Now, I sat in my mother's garden, restricted to the confines of the suburban 5km radius.
Initially, it was a shock to my system; the continuous stimulation and excitement had disappeared, leaving me with ample time and space for reflection. It felt daunting. Who was I if I no longer lived in New York City? It had been a part of my identity for so long, and the constant busyness had given me a sense of importance and purpose. However, with no job and more free time than I'd ever experienced, my life had come to an abrupt standstill.
Having grown up on the shores of the Gold Coast, I was well-acquainted with a slower-paced lifestyle—surfing, basking in the sun for hours, and living in a close-knit community. But I had always yearned for more and found it uninspiring back then. The excitement of living in a city like New York, where the pace was relentless day and night, was intoxicating. There were more options than one could ever need at any hour. However, what I hadn't realised was how unsustainable this lifestyle could be. In your twenties, you may have the energy to burn the candle at both ends, but there comes a moment when fatigue and weariness set in.
When I returned to Australia in 2020, I wasn't aware of the anxiety that had silently crept up on me. I had ignored numerous warning signs, such as anxiety attacks, fainting spells, weight loss, and digestive problems. In the United States, doctors often resort to quick fixes and prescriptions to mask these symptoms, but we all know that taking time to rest and recover is a luxury when faced with exorbitant rent and just five annual days off from work. For some years, I didn't even manage to use all of them.
“The culture of relentless hustle is dangerous;”
The culture of relentless hustle is dangerous; it glorifies and promotes constant busyness, overwork, and the unceasing pursuit of success and productivity. Pausing to slow down is often seen as lazy or unproductive. However, it's precisely what our bodies need. Since returning to Melbourne, I've dedicated more time to placing my health above work. I embarked on a new business venture with my partner, and it was during this period that I experienced my first panic attack, finally cracking open a Pandora's box of suppressed anxiety that had accumulated over the years. After two years in business, we concluded that it wasn't worth the stress and opted out to prioritise our health.
Surprisingly, living in a smaller city couldn't provide the respite I yearned for. There was still too much traffic, an abundance of people, a scarcity of trees, and a constant barrage of stimulation. It was during our escapes to the coast and a recent trip to New Zealand that we experienced these light bulb moments. We perpetually felt fatigued and anxious in the city and struggled with psoriasis flare-ups. Only upon leaving did we notice our skin clearing up, our energy returning, and our nervous systems feeling less burdened. It became obvious that we needed to make some changes to our environment.
During these little trips away with my partner, I started to feel more relaxed and in tune with myself. The cleansing ocean, the crisp air, and the absence of noise pollution invoked a deep sense of peace. I felt drawn back to the simplicity of my childhood, as if life had come full circle. No longer did I crave late nights, mindless drinking, and excessive socialising.
Instead, I yearned for early evenings spent reading in bed, outdoor adventures, and moments of solitude. It may sound like a cliche, but something inside me just clicked. There's no denying that when I see photos of my friends in New York City or movies set in Manhattan, my heart aches to return. But, deep down, I know I can no longer call that place my home.
My partner and I decided to relocate to Geelong this month after closing our business. We aim to shed unnecessary baggage and return to a simpler life, finding purpose within ourselves rather than gauging our worth by how productive we may seem. For individuals like me, who tend to be serial people-pleasers and overachievers, admitting the desire for less can be challenging. However, the time away from the hustle has granted me greater clarity to pursue my creative endeavours.
“I already feel a deep nostalgia and a sense of returning home to myself. More time and space will undoubtedly lead to a deeper sense of fulfilment, allowing me to focus on what truly matters.”
Since our arrival, we've been warmly embraced by a welcoming community, enjoyed swims at the beach, and revelled in stillness and tranquillity that we're not used to. As I write this, I'm in my backyard, soaking up the sun, surrounded by my plants, and watching my dog explore the daisy bushes. I already feel a deep nostalgia and a sense of returning home to myself. More time and space will undoubtedly lead to a deeper sense of fulfilment, allowing me to focus on what truly matters. The New Yorker within me will forever be a part of my identity, but this journey has invited me to enjoy life's quieter moments again and prioritise my health, relationships, and family, which I had long overlooked.
Image 1. Photo credit: Handsom
Image 2. Photo credit: Maddy Maeve for FME Apparel